@bjdedase

“Love is difficult but love is worth it.”

Been staring on the bright screen for so long, been listening to Chinese music that I don’t know for how long? Trying to figure out what to write out of nothing. It is like forcing your brain to come up with something worth writing. Forcing your fingers to tap on letters to compose unwanted words by your idle mind. But you continue to write anyway. And this time you are digging deep through your mind to think of something good you could write about.

There is nothing better than writing about something about that someone. Someone you want people to know about, basically someone you can connect with. Someone you truly know. You could write so many things about them. You could tell how nice they are, how witty they are, what they do, what they like, what you feel towards them and what they feel towards you. And their other interests even if it makes no sense to you. Take down all the things you can remember and the things you can’t forget. You’ll eventually ending up with something to write about.

I think it’s really difficult to love someone when you have these kinds of standards; Someone who doesn’t make you feel worthless. Someone who will love you despite your imperfections. Someone who’s always proud to have you. Someone who will love you whole-heartedly. Someone who will give you undivided attention. Someone who respects you for who you are. Who is responsible enough. Someone who thinks of his future with you. Someone who plans and builds his dreams with you. Also someone na walang bisyo. Someone who loves you as much as he loves his family. Someone who sees his future with you. Someone who looks forward to having his own family with you in the future. That someone who accepts all your flaws. Someone who can still love you despite of your craziness. Someone who has all the patience for you. Someone who can resist to temptations. Someone who can stay faithful to you even when you’re not around. Someone who is always proud to tell other girls that he’s already committed to you. Someone who always brags you to other people. Someone who’s proud to tell the world that you are his girl. Someone who loves you no matter what other people say. And Someone who will always fight for you. Someone who stays no matter how rough things might get. Someone who will go with you through thick and thin. Lastly a reminder to myself as always, don’t love someone who walks away and leave you hanging every time you argue. Don’t choose someone who comes back, choose the one who never leaves.

That makes me curious if how I am going to find that someone. I tried to figure it out, I think the best partner you can have is someone who makes you want to be the best form of yourself. What I did is, I Just leave those kinds of standards behind for a moment and see for a difference and I’ve been through a lot when it comes to relationships. I’ve been into a joke joke lang, trip lang (to that kind of mga bolero guys na makukulit), bf kita, bf ko din sya scheme (magkakaibigang pareparehong may gusto sayo then they’ll be fighting over you haha panira lang ng friendship nila ganun) , bf ngayon bukas di na (to those who are nirereto lang sayo ng mga friends o pinsan mo) at serious type pag gwapo or pogi yung bf but then pang display mo lang – that kind of relationships when I was in High School and you’ll realize how crazy you are when you aged and all you can do is to laugh at your own kalokohan style. Been into a long-term relationship, LDR chuchu during and after college and I am not expecting my next relationship as perfect. I just wanted it to be a blessing not a lesson learned.

Don’t be in a relationship because you are lonely and that is not enough reason to get into a relationship. in fact, don’t do it. just don’t. That isn’t about something like – no, I want that guy I must have him and we must be in a relationship. That shit isn’t going to work. Wanting to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship isn’t enough reason to get into one. If someone comes into your life or if someone is in your life and if he’s your type and you want to get to know him better, do it. Get away from this mindset of he was like a brother or we’re close friends. I’ve seen enough relationship start from that and its certainly not impossible. So, if you’re crushing on him and you genuinely want to get to know him better and possibly build a better relationship with him outside of just being friends go for it, do something about it.

It’s not always because we don’t like them, or that we’re not attracted to them. Most of the time, the only reason that’s keeping us from letting them inside our walls is that we carry way too much of someone else, to spare some space for someone new. Liking someone isn’t always enough, just like how almost is never enough. And what’s even scarier is the fact that we actually have the ability to fool ourselves that we’ve already gotten over the past, only to realize sooner that the truth is we haven’t. Moved on and just go with the flow.

Here’s a funny thing about ages, Napag-iiwanan Ka na ba? Kung mga nasa mid-20’s o 30’s ka na, marahil isa ‘to sa mga tanong mo sa sarili mo. “Kailan ka mag-aasawa?” Madalas na tanong ng mga kapamilya’t kaibigan mo. Bakit wala pa rin? Tatanda ka na lang bang binata/dalaga?” Oh di ba? Ganun pa din ang tanong nila sayo. Pauli-ulit na tanong, pero kahit pauli-ulit mo ding isipin di mo pa rin makuha ang sagot. Yung sagot na gustong-gusto mong malaman pero hanggang ngayon isang malaking misteryo pa din na bumabagabag sa buhay mo. “Bakit nga ba?” Minsan nagiisip ka, iniisip mo kung bakit ganun? Maganda ka naman, mabait, matalino, magaling makisama. Pero bakit wala pa rin? Tatanungin pa ulit kita. Masaya ka ba? Kasi kung ngayon pa lang na single ka ay di ka na masaya, paano pa kaya kung may kasama ka na? Paano kung maubusan ka ng pagmamahal at kasiyahan, iiwan mo na lang din ba siya? Ang ibig ko lang naman sabihin, bago tayo pumasok sa ganung sitwasyon, siguruhin muna nating puno-punong tayo ng pagmamahal; pagmamahal na makukuha sa pamilya, sa kaibigan, sa kamag-anak, at syempre mula sa Diyos. Paano ka magbibigay ng pagmamahal kung ikaw mismo wala nun? Di porket mag-isa ka lang kumakain sa restaurant ay magiging malungkot ka na lang. Di din porket hindi ka nakaabot sa “go” sign ng pedestrian ay ibig sabihing napag-iiwanan ka na. At mas lalong di porket single ka na ay hindi ka na pwedeng maging masaya. Palayain mo ang sarili mong nakakulong sa makitid na depenisyon ng pag-ibig. Mag-mahal ka lang, hayaan mo lang na mapuno ka ng pagmamahal, para pag dumating na siya, siguradong di ka na magkukulang.

Now that I’m twenty-six and been in a relationship for eight months and counting with a simple guy whom I think is reliable somehow. It’s something I’d never come to expect. That feeling when you fell in love with someone you did not expect you’d fall for. That someone you did not even think of. That someone you did not know. The worst part was falling deeper in love for this someone who didn’t even notice that he has your heart. Totoo yung sabi nila na minsan sa buhay dumarating tayo sa point na kung sino pa yung binabalakan mo ng masama dun kapa nahuhulog. This guy I met a year ago is someone who broke my standards and eventually – I did fall for him. I don’t easily believe to whatever he’s telling me coz’ the people around him told me that he is completely a JERK, a BAD GUY. I want to believe it more than anything but something came up in my mind and I know it’s not well to judge him anyway. Knowing me, I’ll give in and I tried. He makes me so happy. Minsan ang sarap lang umasa at paniwalaan yung mga matatamis na salitang sinasabi niya. Siguro ganun naman talaga kapag nagmahal ka. Maniniwala ka sa lahat ng sasabihin niya. Hindi sa tanga ka o’ sa may pagka uto-uto ka, kundi malaki lang talaga ang tiwala mo sa kanya na tutuparin niya ang lahat ng sinabi niya. Naniniwala na ako na kapag tinamaan ka talaga ng pag-ibig, lahat ng standards mo mawawala. As in – mahal mo lang siya dahil mahal mo siya.

Kapag nakahanap ka talaga ng isang taong mas tapat pa sa tanghali, pakiramdam ko tuloy mas maganda pa ako sa umaga. Thank’s God di ako nag hesitate masyado na ibigin ang taong to. I wonder what it feels like to be your girl. I wonder what it feels like to be the one you wait for after work; to be the one you walk with just because we both love going and exploring new places. I wonder what it feels like to be with you while breaking petty laws; to be holding your hands while facing each other’s fears and leaving each other’s comfort zones. I wonder what it feels like to be the reason behind your smile even when you’re alone. I wonder what if feels like to be the one you’re thinking of late at night before you go to sleep. I wonder what it feels like to be in your arms whenever I feel pressured and stressed about random things. I wonder what it feels like to be with you loud and proud. And I wonder what it feels like to be the only one you search for in the crowd. I wonder what it feels like to be yours.

Sometimes having a late-night conversation with someone you could relate to and make you feel accompanied is one of the best feeling yun nga lang the funny thing between us is that he always ends up falling asleep as soon as the clock ticks at eight in the evening. Well, it doesn’t count. As long as we believe in each other. To sum it up, yes, we’re in a relationship and for me he’s the one I wanted to spend my whole life with.

When time comes, and our relationship gets boring after we’ve been together for years. It’s always fun in the beginning. It’s always exciting when you’re getting to know each other. It’s always thrilling to chase one another. Eventually, it gets hard. Eventually, it becomes difficult. Eventually, it drains you. That’s when people tend to quit and go look for someone else because “the spark and kilig is gone” and they want to feel wanted and admired and loved again. But for us I believe there’s an exemption, that’s not how it’s supposed to be. No, that’s not how it works. It doesn’t have to be that way. Even when it does get boring, that’s when we’re supposed to remember why we’re with that person in the first place and it’s never too late to find that happiness that we both once found together because the truth is, it’s always been there and it never left. Even when it feels like feelings are fading, that’s when we’re supposed to know how much we means to each other and what losing one of us would be like because being able to love someone even when they’re being hard to love shows that your feelings never left. Even when it feels like you’re done, that’s when you’re supposed to realize that no matter who you’re with, it’s always going to get “boring” so you might as well be with someone who’s willing to love you unconditionally and never give up on you. Well, this is just another side of my negativity that turns me out to be positive enough to hold you.

And I always thought you were someone to trust my life and that’s how I loved you every single day..I don’t have a single doubt in my mind that you are the one that God intended me to spend my life with. sharing with people and letting them know how much of a winsome “you as someone” is. Looking forward to being with you for the rest of my life. 😍